Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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