So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
