Soap is not a condiment
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
