Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
