I am puke
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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