Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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