I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
