I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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