the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
