Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
