if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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