Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize