I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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