FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
