ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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