I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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