I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tell me about the fingering
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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