I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
