I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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