i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
