Where is the hickey?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
