great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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