Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
