Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
