pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
