wakey wakey hands off snakey
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
