On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
