It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
