dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
