It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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