This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
