and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
