She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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