So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
