Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
