Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
either way he was missing a nipple.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
