GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
