I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
