I got chris browned last night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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