I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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