new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
