we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
