Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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