mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
