I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
