Do you still have your period?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
