Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize