Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
