i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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