Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
