i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
