The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize