I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
