is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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