Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
