You're so nebulous sometimes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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