My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
