forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
