I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
