So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
