dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
