whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
there is puke in my bra ... again
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
