I think im going to throw up on grandma
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
