We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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