you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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