batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
