I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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