3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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