i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
