i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think your dad took our porno
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
