I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
