do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
