I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
