I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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