Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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