All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
