there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i need an iv and a liver transplant
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Randomize