Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
