I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
