i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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