Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
