so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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