Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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