Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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