do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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