just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
