You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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