i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
