Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
