I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
