I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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