Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize