I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
