Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
