you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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