That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
