Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
